The Nice Guy
If you Google the meaning of : “Nice Guy Meaning”, Wikipedia comes up with a very good paragraph on Nice Guy, though I don’t agree with it completely, but it did give a prospective on what others think of me, or how the world sees our kind. Lets go though what Wikipedia has to say first.
A nice guy is an informal term for a teenage or adult male who portrays himself[dubious – discuss] as gentle, compassionate, sensitive and/or vulnerable. The term is used both positively and negatively. When used positively, and particularly when used as a self-descriptor, it is intended to imply a male who puts the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, gives emotional support, tries to stay out of trouble, and generally acts nicely towards others. In the context of a relationship, it may also refer to traits of honesty, loyalty, romanticism, courtesy and respect. When used negatively, a nice guy implies a male who is unassertive, does not express his true feelings and, in the context of dating (in which the term is often used), uses acts of ostensible friendship with the unstated aim of progressing to a romantic or sexual relationship.
Here in my case, I would say it is a mix of all the above, the case i disagree with Wikipedia is that there is something negative about not showing true feelings and also in the context of dating, in this case everyone is a Nice Guy, because most of us hide the true self when go on dates, it is something we all do to get laid!
I would define Nice Guy as a person who sees a need to please everyone and someone who just wants to be accepted or be loved. Or basically someone who is just happy to help others. Sometimes we don’t want anything in return, it is just the way we are. But too often this helping nature is taken to be a plot on getting something in return. That is what I have seen in recent time, we all have become too cynical & suspicious of other people’s motives. There are times when I go on great lengths to help someone, just because I like them, not to except something in return.
Why there should be a need to be accepted by all? Because sometimes we don’t have anyone to ourselves. There are very, very few people with whom I can truly be me. There is a weird logic that I go by inspired by a Story of “The Saint & The Scorpion”
One day a saint was taking a bath in a river. His disciple sat on the bank with the saint’s clothes, asana and rosary. The saint noticed a scorpion struggling in the current. Taking pity, he lifted the bedraggled scorpion in his palm and started wading toward the bank.
No sooner had the scorpion recovered than it promptly stung the saint on the palm. The saint felt an unbearable, burning pain shoot up his arm, but he did not drop the scorpion. Instead, he gently shook his hand to encourage the scorpion to move away from the wound.
The saint’s disciple, watching from the bank, became alarmed, but did not say anything.
The saint had only taken a few more steps when the scorpion stung him again. A searing pain more intense than the first one went all the way up his arm and throbbed in his hand. The saint staggered and nearly collapsed in the river.
This time the disciple did call out. Put him down, Guruji! He will only sting you again. Leave him to his fate. Your kindness is of no value to such a creature. He will learn nothing from it!
The saint ignored him and continued walking. He had nearly reached the bank when the scorpion stung him for a third time. The pain exploded into his head, lungs, and his heart. The disciple saw a blissful smile appear on the saint’s face before he collapsed in to the river. The disciple dragged the saint to the shore, still smiling and still cradling the scorpion in his palm. As soon as they had reached shore, the scorpion crawled away as quickly as it could.
Guruji! said the disciple after the saint had regained consciousness. How can you smile? That wretched creature nearly killed you.
You are right, my son, said the saint. But he was only following his dharma, his nature. It is the dharma of a scorpion to sting, and it is the dharma of a saint to save its’ life. He is following his dharma and I am following mine. Everything is in its proper place. That is why I am so happy.
What is the burden here in being a Nice Guy? Biggest problem in being this guy is that we are good to all, even when some people really don’t deserve our attention. And that is what brings us down, we have to take bull shit from people whom we should not have given attention. And too often it is these bullshit people that stick around you because you be good to them. The bullshit given by people gets collected over time and when this crosses a limit. We snap! That is why there would be time when there will be an outburst by a Nice Guy. And it would surprise most of them. What I have also noticed is that it is our Loved ones that see our emotional outbursts.
I found this amazing video explaining part of problem with Nice Guy. Enjoy
If you did go though these Videos, you would surely relate to them in some level. This topic stuck in my mind after seeing the first video here and relating quite a bit to it. Being nice to all is getting very exhausting for me now. The older I get more I see the need just to be true to myself and kick out people who actually should not hold any part in my life.
This has ruffled some feathers and few relationship around me as I have become more upfront and blunt in my critic. I don’t see point to listen or respond to everyone’s bullshit. This process is sometimes liberating as I am being honest and saying what is in my mind. But it is also resulting in some emotional outbursts at my own loved ones too. And for them this is all new me. May be some time I have become too proud, but fact is I have stopped taking bullshit from the world around me.
Hoping for a better tomorrow. Free and Liberated mind.
Jagdeep Singh Virdi